how about...2012.

was reading some writeups from a friends on the net earlier and reminded myself of this small little blog i used to own some time ago. took me awhile to recall its name, but i stil managed to googled it, recall its password and daa...here i am writing. writing with no hold-back of thoughts and ideas. My fingers just type as words starts forming in my mind.

hmm, this year hasn't been exactly amazing so far. but it was wonderful till date. I had a strong resolution. one of which was influenced by my closest of friends, my bro and esp my mum. i went for a church service some time back. it was a relationship seminar cum an hr of service(which i was unaware of). it speaks of how important relationships are to human beings and how it evolves with mankind. To me, its breaking up the complications and presenting in a unseen perspective which i find rather intriguing. some of the speaker words were deeply engraved into myself and top of it all, what i have experienced from the moment i stepped into the convention hall, made me look at myself more in detailed again. i am a person whom is not engaged, zero excitement, speaks little when with group of friends, hardly share my thoughts, conserved, hardly smile and seemingly lack of drive to be happy. Lastly, which is most important - a person whom is different from his earlier years. yes, my mum said it. alot goes through my head when such sensitive topic to spelled out to me. hence..

i want a change. not totally. but subtly, gradually and preferably. i wanna experience happy like how i did in the passed, i.e, when i was younger. its a fundamental concoction in the brain that dealt with the approach towards life basically. over the weeks, i summarized my resolution to these - give, do good and genuinely smile more. just acting as a reminder for myself, i shall not go on to elaborate this process.

the festive season has been good to me. made me do the things i wanna, and trying to be a better person.

the 30th year

not really sure how to begin here. as always, pardon my lack of grammer and even the upper/lower cases. having a journal allows me to reflect and recall while i am writing it. hence, i should be continuing doing it.

it was a tough ride into the year 2011. never imagined such thing will happen on me. it was bad but not too bad. however it did surprise me alittle with the way I took it and handled it. it just seems that i managed to work the adversities towards my advantage. And through this, i realised how scary perceptions can be. but i know, it would be real difficult to influence mine. call me stubborn or whatever it is unless you are goin to be responsible for whatever outcome that's gonna befall on me. am pretty glad this incident didn't break me but made me and others stronger. things happened, feelings changed, and unfortunately, they wouldn;t be the same anymore. but this is the harshness of life we gotta face.

about a week before my reservist. i fainted in the early morning again. this is probably the 7th or 8th time. in my room, i kicked almost everything thats on the floor and toppled those that are above waist level. the chair fell over and i knocked into my left jaw and the rear right side of my head. unconsciousness won't give you any pain. it comes after. during that duration, i kept hearing my mum calling my name. it felt nice. strange but even this incident made me look at things differently. relating it to the earlier incident and even to our daily lives. nothing really matters more. love is all i've got to lose. love transcend everything else. i wanted quite badly to feel the same with my friends over the passed year or so.

this year is an important year for the kh. we are gonna make biro and massiveoutfit like never before. the passion i lost 2 years ago is back and this time its helping me determined to set things right and get them rolling.
 
serving my 4th and longest reservist this year too. met up some old friends and spending more time to myself apart from work is a good thing. next would be ben's wedding.

i like the me that waves at girls, having a big laugh and simply doing things that i've never did.

圣诞节

那天她说，“耿豪，一年了。很快呵”。 这样的一句话让我有一股莫明的感动 。谢谢 :)

what happened in december

In comparison, november was probably the worst month for me. The talkings, the arguments, the ill decisions, etc. I almost thought i was losing it. But somehow it made me a better and stronger person when it came into december.

I am glad of the situations that i came in contact with and how i dealt with them. Its a pretty much self realisation journey for me this december. Being the season of joy and love, I was seeking deep within my soul trying to get onto the path which i deem as right. I supposed i didn't tried too hard, and it just came naturally. Dealing with emotional issues, inter-personal management and some flaws with my own personalities. On top of that, in general, how i see life and treat the various elements of it was also taken into notice. 

Other then just self-realisation out of nowhere, I think the love and encouragement i felt recently was a huge driving force. I was glad i was able to help and to give inorder to help myself. Grateful that i failed and i fell inorder to pick myself up again and again countless times to feel that small pinch of success. all the bad i felt inorder to want to make myself feel right again.

Many may not have known, but thank to all those that came into the picture.

merry xmas, my beautiful december.

今天的心情糟透了

真不好受。

The Surprises

Did i mentioned i got to know this bunch of young, energetic and hyped youths that will never get tired of having outings at various interesting places which i never even heard of and planning surprises for their friends' birthdays with specific themes thats to a certain extent; meticulously detailed yet amusing.

Before i go on, I got one surprise today when i looked back at my archives. June 2006 i think. I wrote this:

"he" does not care what plans you have ahead for the day, "he" does not care where you would like to see yourself in 5 years time, "he" does not care that you are going to meet a interesting girl tomorrow, "he" does not care if you wanna be the most successful entrepreneur in future, "he" does not care if u have not spent much time with your family and finally regretted and want to do it the coming week when you are less busy.......once "he" appears in your life.....you will be gone like a speck of dust carrying with u all the memories and experiences u accumulated this lifetime of yours......leaving perhaps lots of people feeling very much upset over their lost, much more than you can ever imagine (ever again)........"somebody" out there, just want you to live life to the fullest while you still can....make it meaningful while you can.....enjoy it while you can.....make every minute counts....


Bewilderment overwhelms me. I like the way i gave life some thoughts back then already. The thoughts now are mostly overloaded with more worries; worries of bills, worries of realism that we face everyday.
come on, surely you can do a better job that this kh, for life mean so much more than just these nitty gritty stuff. I really write alot back then too. I enjoyed writing back then. Good thing that i did.

Hmm, think i will continue the post tonight. Got a long day ahead for now...

Goodbye October.

October has been marvelous. The people that i hang out with, the gatherings we had, the books that i am trying to read, the work that i am engaged in, the people that i am talking to, the movies that i have watched, the songs that i am listening to, the thoughts that are constantly being run thru' and the person i am trying to be.

Strangely, as i am typing here, i wonder how i would interpret all these lines and lines of text 3-4 years down the road. Nevertheless, for me to find out by then. Thou, its incredibly nonsensical for me to say whatever i am saying now.

There were 5 weekends in oct. The reason for highlighting this is because it has really been a fulfilling and interesting month. There was the picnic at botanical gardens, trial run at east coast park, my surprise birthday party, nike 10km run, 3d2n mbs stay, zhichar dinner and ktv session on the final one. These things that we do, really meant alot for me. Can't imagine how it will be like not having our path crossed. The surprise party really blew me away. Thou' they can't tell from my face, i was really really touched and over-whelmed with everyone taking their time off to come spend alil time with you. All the trouble and really the time spent. I appreciate every single nano bit of it. All those that matters really made me feel much loved and that i needed to do something for them. Maybe something for me for them.

By the way, recently i have been marveled by this girl. She inspires me. I am glad that our path crossed and till date, almost unknowingly i have accumulated utmost admiration for her dedication, drive and beliefs.

KH, i know i haven't been keeping up. Haven't been good enough.
On a side note, we all know how some stuff sometimes gives us the drive, the push and the motivational factor. I got that feeling alot recently. From the surprise party, from movies etc.. I wanna keep that feeling going.

Been having more regular meetings at T3 tcc, jar complained its alil too ex. But to think of it, maybe that expensive pot of tea could be a motivational push and make everyone work harder?

goodbye, october affair.

hello october, been awhile huh.

Been a good half a year since i last wrote something here. Luckily i do not have a bunch of faithful blog followers that probably by this time will drop death threats and nasty remarks.

101010 was special day. Waking up at 6am never felt this good. The purpose was to meet up with the rest to go for our practice run for the 24th event. Woke up to a morning of slight drizzle, packed my stuff hurriedly to go fetch selene, jar and yalin.

Had some crazy night on fri and a long tiring but fulfilling sat. Fri night was at st james. Thanks to beatrice, we were at the vips and had some complimentary drinks. I was in my vocal mode that night, but i was well aware of things ongoing. Just gotta admit i was rather rude to the fuckin' impolite bouncer. Not sure those peeps are genuinely friendly or cos they are intoxicated. but i was just being myself and i like that i know that. Played football on sat morning despite having only 4-5 hrs of sleep and a near hangover. then i was having lunch at this nice hawker at serangoon gardens before i met sean, went to his nice neighbourhood and sent him and his stuff to office in town. night was of dinner and nice chillax at marina keppel bay.

So , we reached east coast at around 7. still drizzling, but everyone was still hype for the run thou most were late. haha. i was one of the last to complete the 10km(never imagined i would be able to do that thou). we walked back to our cars, chi chat and block other runners along the way. everyone seem really please with the morning run and i was really glad too. had a not-so-good breakfast at parkway swensens, but the company made up for everything else.

Why i said it was special. it was a day when i stayed at home and did some soul searching. i kinda like that feeling and more it will persevere.