so little, so under

Watching an inspiring film led me to this.

The Man in the Arena is the title of a speech given by the US president Theodore Roosevelt at the Sorbonne in Paris, France on April 23, 1910. It was subsequently re-printed in his book Citizenship in a Republic.

The speech is notable for the passage:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. 

Yes, i still think.

time has slowly slipped away...

Unbelievably, its has been a month into 2010 and february is already setting in. Much have happened for the passed 3 months or so. So fast, it felt those days has never taken place before. Hope nothing will rid my memories of those days. bdays celebration, the preparation, the outings, phone calls, the impromptu outings, the pageant, the time at shop, the groceries shopping for xmas dinner, the xmas dinners, the meeting with the guys, the beach trip, the photo taking, the clubbings, zoukout, the trip to kota, the sending,  john's wedding etc...

Last year was a depressing year for me....and i didn't think i wold enjoy the festive period. on the contrary, it was one of the better ones. The reason was simple.

Is it the season of love? why it appears to me there is every reason to believe it is so? Times alone like this set me thinking. Thinking of all the various interpretation of human emotions and behavior like an audience to a highly acclaimed film, an astrology to the universe, a symbolist to an array of visual codes. Is that considered toying with feelings? toying with my own feelings perhaps.

Thought it was gone, but it came back.

This will be a good year, be it in all aspects. To daily life, family, friends, love, character, work. Hoping to make everyday as fulfilling as possible, to give more than to take. Spend more time with family and friends. Correcting the several flaws i noted of myself. Inject more energy into all my businesses. I will set to make it these happened. Time is running late isn't it. Goodluck.

心悪い

Sunday 1.25pm. 2 days after xmas. I write as the end of 2009 draws close. The uncertainty fades and things seem to be clearer now. However, i do not enjoy that feeling nor the process. Too taxing on the mind and heart. Always wondering and making guesses. Seems like it really work this way. The more good time; the more bad times.

It has come to my senses. I shan't deny that feeling, i am at a crossroad, not knowing where to head. Ya, my bags are packed of images, memories, anticipations, hopes, thoughts and love. But, i just can't seem to take it further. Way too little confidence i reckon. With all the pessimism lingering, the best method i can think of is to stay away. But is that really the best method. Just whats wrong with me? I wish i wouldn't think so much..just why am i so?

喜欢一个人

喜欢一个人 放肆的想一个人
直到载浮载沉 看见我的灵魂
喜欢一个人 找回自己的爱恨
世界太多灰尘 只需要一个人
关上了灰色的门
关掉了黄色的灯
感觉是夜色的深
等什麽发生 我喜欢这样的气氛
有什麽可能 我喜欢这样一个人
一个人
太多陌生人 也有太多的苦闷
不管有没有神 我喜欢一个人
让一切发生 我喜欢这样的气氛
想一切可能 我喜欢这样一个人

99 problems

It was a difficult month compared to the last one. Almost out of breath and driven to the end. Nevertheless, i will still walk the walk.

Got one problem solve today and more to go. Was a pretty hectic day rushing a sample for client early morning, get the van in the afternoon, did some mini carpentry work to it with tony and kris(spent about 4hrs), settle some billing issues, home to wash up, went to giant, fetch mom, dinner and to jar's place to wash and chill. Took us about 2-3 hrs to clean van throughly, washed the ext, vacuum the int, clean the int,  wax, spray wipe, protect, etc...it was quiet but fun and exciting...chilled with sarsi instead of beer after...it was a good night.

weekends coming with so many things to settle. enjoy~

2nd day of nov.

Weekend was a blast as I had my last session of birthday celebration with my buddies and their girlfriends at timbre. Took off that day and spent the whole day at home doing nothing till the night. Appreciate the guys for not driving as have told them before we had to drink till we can't walk in a straight line home someday....And that happens to be on this day.

I was there earlier at about 7ish to join jz first and his friends that he bumped into. Then slowly one by one starts to turn up. It feels good people takes time off their busy schedule to come and meet you and to spend time with you. Although we were like buddies for like around 2 decades, this feeling will never fade.

We had so many drinks....topping up glasses after glasses preparing for the clubbing later on. It started to pour when we left timbre. But that didn't dampen our mood for clubbing. We have been talking about it for the longest and this night, we are going to fulfill that "talk". We spilt our ways as zy had to get her heels. jar, yalin and beatrice was there first waiting for us. I could sense the excitement in me...not about the clubbing at all, but to be doing this together was quite a first for us. We partied, we drink, we had fun. Home, it was a extremely tired night but difficult to sleep. haha

I slept for about 4hours, and the next day i was with jar, yaline and beatrice the whole day. It was long, purposeful, refreshing and fun. Then i was looking for a quote. I have been looking for it for sometime now....azure.

I wish to live like this forever.

It has been a pleasant month. Maybe because its my birthday month, everything seems to feel nicer. Listening to はかもののすべて as i write.

Been having more regular meet ups with my bro to talk about the ongoing of massiveoutfit and our label. Over at the shop, things are picking and we can finally begin to smile. I have also been playing soccer, baseball and rollerblading more regularly now.

My uncle has returned to shanghai and i'll be looking forward to visiting him over there.

Went to SukiYa on the 16th to try out the infamous sukiyaki beef my bro claims it to be. Dinner was free of cos. Then we had 2 mini barrels at east coast, night ended with a memorable cousins-waiters argument. Never seen kris like that, haha. I forgot what happened on the 17th, 18th we met up with the all cool and nice koflow. Passed him some tees and we had some drinks. Met mum, dad and gin at ion before heading to holland v crystal jade for a steamboat dinner to celebrate mum's and my birthday. Got mum a watch...she called us up and asked us to pay..hah. 21st, took a day off to reward myself for braving the storm for coming 11months now at the new place. Really hope things will turn out better soon. Mum cooked lunch, met eric, baseball, free haircut, dinner with wj, home to rest. 22nd, went stereolab with my brother, gin and her few instructor friends for jazzy j/koflow event. The best way to describe the music was dope. And its also the first time i watch my bro dance right in front of me..Ecstatic...slept at 6am that day.

Met some new people along the month. Nice and funny people.

Maybe I am just another passerby. I think there is a problem with the manner i am weighing things. Love what you do.

Good Sunday

It was a generally eventful weekend for me. plaed soccer in the morning yesterday despite only having 4hrs of sleep. Pop by vic&kelly place after that to pass him the new fifa2010. Played a few games, head home, surf net, rest, gaming, etc..then charles came to pass me some stuff and was nice to drive me to lavender where i met my bro. Changed to the new ezlink card and we headed to town, ion, wisma-checked out nike id, asked the guy some stuff-realised got the prints done with a regular vendor in states. Then to taka to buy some magazines, had dinner at paragon dtf, next to social house at clarke quay. After which went to cable car and had some drinks and more food. finally, to mustafa to buy some discs and calling it a day.

today. woke up from a call from adriel at 930! asked me to check out games with him. Got up, downloaded some demos and tried them out. Jar came and fetch me to simei. met vic, check out games, adriel came, bought games, supermarket then had a late lunch with vic. took a cab on the way back home. It was $5.20 on the meter, i passed the $10 to cab driver, told him i will get him $0.20 in coins. he returned me $5 and told me its ok... I was surprised and touched by the gesture.

On the way throughout the journey, i was just thinking....probably what i was wondering could be so nice are the experiences and the lifestyle we go thru and lead daily.

This month is going to be a good month.

I am starting to get excited for the "every next day" that approaches. Lots of things happened that led to this feeling. Meals with family, the short walk to the coffeeshop with dad and uncle, the drinking session at east coast park in between working hours, the falls at rollerblading, the burning pain that is inflicted during blading, the long day of friend's biggest day, the tasks at the wedding, the stay at the hotel, the morning walk down orchard road, the early lunch in town, the dinner at games with friends, the bunking in at friends new place, the advices and talks with a liked minded person, the jotting down of ideas, the brainstorming, the meeting, the applications, etc...

I have been learning to blade. The feeling is so fresh trying to learn something new. Can't really remember when was the last time i had that feeling. It was funny, painful and tiring but all worthwhile. Cos, while you are experiencing the learning process...you are at the same time challenging yourself, trying to solve the problem at hand and rethinking and rethinking how to get it to be better. Is it just so refreshing, at least for me.

I finished watching a drama in 3days. Then i re-watched it and finished it once more in the next 4 days. The story was so well written and the cast played their roles perfectly. Thou dramatic, but sometimes i feel these dramas seems to have a life of their own. The characters, the jobs they hold, their homes, their families, their relationships, their personalities/characters, etc. Such drama may give us a false impression but it also does relieve us of the harsh reality let allow us to wander our mind alittle bit further.

Talking to people feels good after all.

偶発性 - experiences

been an exciting august and september so far. some of the things that i never thought i would go through and certain moves that i would make. it was in a way.....fresh for me. The experience of it once was good enough for me to log it down to my life experiences.

There are some experiences i wanted to pen down when i felt it first time; not wanting to wait till it becomes too regular and overly familiar that i start forgetting that feeling of experiencing something new. it is true that sometimes circumstances led and forces us to change. i do enjoy the change. is it an effort too to get off that already too comfortable seat and try something different.

talking to people, working with people, helping people and getting help from people. the few essentials in the phase now.

there's a couple of things that i been through and tried recently. They have helped by giving me a different perspective of life. It is not exactly true until you've been through it. I am glad to the kind peeps that i have bumped into.

i need a holiday.

17,18,19

It was overall a fun weekend. Had this BBQ on 17, one of multi-nationality and multi-professions. There were the usual BBQ stuff, packet food and tonnes of booze. We started chatting in various clutters, mostly hitting off with "what do you do?" and "where are you from?" questions. To me, everyone seem to have a unique and interesting character. Gradually, we started playing drinking games. One friend introduces a japanese game which was nothing like those that i have played with my other drinking mates. Basically, its counting from 1- 10 where at 8 and 10 we will have to say "たこはち" and "いかじゅう" respectively.

With the help of the booze, the atmosphere lighten up and everyone slowly seem to be at ease with everyone else gradually. Jazz and Hip-hop music along with our laughter filled the air throughout the night. It wasn't just another BBQ, everyone doesn't exactly know everyone else and we still manage to have fun together. There were retailers, dance instructor, accountant, financier, etc, but in a way every person was just themselves at that very moment; nothing pretentious, just real.

18. Had only 4hrs of sleep from the previous night. Played soccer, read the saturday papers, afternoon walk in orchard, ramen/pork cutlet rice, karaoke, drinks @ no.5.

19. Woken by the kids at my house. Put on my england jersey, had breakfast and left for work. While at work, ほんとにつまらない.

同名男子

逃離那個逼人說謊的城市 我遇見一位同名的男子 再寂寞容易無限擴張的夜裡 我們交換了心情和故事 他有那種令人溫暖的誠實 臉上是真心快樂的樣子 他鼓勵我要敢愛敢恨做自己 活在別人眼中是留給傻瓜做的事 人要灑脫過日子 一個同名男子讓我羨慕 他有我希望的自由和幸福 其實什麼真的值得在乎 什麼樣的生活算豐富 有個相愛的人 有顆自在　的心就知足 一個同名男子讓我想哭 他讓我覺得我把自己辜負 我正想轉過頭對他說 我要走你走的那條路 夜色迷迷茫茫 他已不知去處

Botanical Garden

We finally made it.

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大嬾堂

Been kinda lazy these days...so lazy to reply emails, to return sms....to think of wat to talk about, to clear my mailbox, to work on my business plan, to clean up my harddrive, to find out my lost password for internet banking, to go to a axs to pay for my insurance, to go call freakin m1 to redeem my sunperks points, to get my bike fixed, to take a walk down orchard on my only off day, to start one of the few new games on my dusty console, to befriend more people, to f*** that ass who is taking ages to do his task, to do some research work, to browse the new fashion mags still in their wraps, to spend time with family, to listen attentively, to speak properly, to express myself sufficiently, lazy to be lazy.

packed saturday...

its was xx big day today and and glad to be on the invite list. Its my first experience of a church wedding. The couple were cool and really look good together, happy for them. I didn't eat much thou the food catered for the guests looked really good. Woke up at 630am, had a long day, and just didn't feel like eating + probably the crowd. Had ramen and some drinks in town area after the event. Don't know why, but the drinks never felt enough today.

2 days ago, I had a pleasant dream. A dream dream. It took place during the day where it felt really cool. i was in a fto driving amidst the low bungalows and detached houses on the two sides of the road, beside me is a girl(supermodel or some-sort) planting a long kiss on my my cheek as i drive her to her suzuki....then strangely, later on she sped off in her suzuki and i went around looking for her....Then jump into a scene where i was playing mahjong with my parents and fw at our lift lobby(well blocking the pathway to the corridor). fw or better known as f, then game the round and suddenly squat to the floor with a bad tummy ache. I then hurried to help her back my place....end of dream..it was weird, but it felt really nice.

either you or not you is a f***ed up friend.

What can i do on a saturday?

Met up with the guys last night at foohouse. I was an hour plus late. Been awhile since we last met, was enjoying the chit-chat despite myself keeping the most quiet. The talks were about cars, houses, investments and work. Was too tired to channel myself into same frequency, hence just listening. Had only a glass of whisky, then an early night home. I thought I might as well rest early which i have not done so in a long time. 2pm and i was in dreamland.

9am, rushed off to soccer. Discovered today that my ankle injury from last session has not fully recovered yet. Went on and play anyway. Collected stuff from anglican high, back home for lunch, read the papers, surf net, lay on my bed, surf net, chat, back on my bed, chat, net, blog....Feel like going for a drink, but just when the thought of going out comes, the rain starts pouring. Wondered if i should go IT fair, check out the largest harddisks, the wireless routers, singtel promotions etc...nah, laaaaaazzzyyy..see how it goes in another hours time or so.

There is suppose to a big match tonight between manchester united and liverpool, its probably something good for me to kill time, since i have got much plans yet for the night. However, I discontinued the sports channel when becks moved to mls. A friend once commented that why the "celebs" i like are mostly guys, e.g. I prefer becks to maria sarapova and andy lau to any-well-known-female-singers. Rest assure i am not gay or anything near there. I do notice girls as much as any other ordinary guy out there. I am also disgusted with the idea of me holding another guy's hands.

Looks like the rain is going stop, now back to thinking what the f*** should I do later...

blank*

Been back from work 3 hours ago. Had dinner, watched tv. Now, at my com not knowing what to do for the next 2 hrs or so before i hit the sacks. Everyday, every week seems to pass very quickly.....for me and its seems the same for the people around me. Am just wondering while the time is ticking....am i really moving forward? Am i just having too much free time to think of the unnecessary again? Bt what if its not unnecessary? What if these 2 hrs of free time is extremely important? I shouldn't be missing it out right?

This is perhaps the best way for me to discuss the thoughts with myself....the best way to jot down what i am thinking at certain point of the day of the week of the month of the year of my life. I do the same repetitive activities every single day. work/waste time/play/sleep/work/waste time/play/sleep/on and on and on....

I am thinking what to do next after i have finish typing this post. I have been terrible. I know it myself. Terrible in many aspects. Anyway, what will this post remind me of? Probably just how i wasted 10mins of the first 2 hours of 12h march09. this is senseless.

0311/0622 - breaking thru' the night

Today I become uncle to another niece. Its something many have been looking forward to. Different people different feelings and expectations. Was happy and excited and now just glad that the day finally arrives. :)

小时候的夢想，的畫面。

昨天我在出門的途上，想起了我小时候怎麼看這个世界，想起了對我長大後的生活有什麼样的期待与渴望。如果有一天，這些夢想慢慢的被遺忘或者还沒實現生命就到了尽頭。 是否會是一種遺憾？

it was like the usual saturdays about a year ago.

told myself i was going to take it lightly. thou discharged by the physiotherapist officially, she reminded me to rest for another 2 more months or so... I woke up remarkably early for a saturday morning that day.

I spent that morning only to realise the same pain i felt before i had the meniscus repaired. Damn.