weather, brilliant, thoughts - my lunchbreak

800am, "seika iwa a..."....triggered by the preset alarm, the melodious song starts playing from my motorola clamshell phone. It was a cold cold morning. As usual, I turned it off and bury my face back into the comfy pillows. Next, my bio clock triggers itself. 820am, dragging myself out of bed and to the washroom. After weeks, i finally started using my toner and moisturiser again (worrying the fact that i might just age too quickly with insufficient sleep sometimes).

On the 4-sided polygon table was a plate of fried eggs prepared by my mum. I was looking out to the sky and wondering if my mum has reached her work place safely. i took one of the eggs, sandwiched it with two slices of Gardenia and place them into another 4-sided polygon tupperware.

Next thing that came to my mind was Val, wondering and worried if she has been sleeping well in this cold weather. Am glad for everything so far and even happier for the good news she told me yest. The first step has been taken and i hope all would turn out good for her tomorrow. But, she will bear in mind the "never-say-die" attitude...I know she will...All these months, i have learnt alot and communication plays a big part. Sharing every thought is equally essential for us as well. Once we talked about judgement, she gave me very fresh insight to the way how oftenly, we perceive things only the way we want to perceive it. How could one have known better how to judge somebody when he or she and that somebody do not even know each other in depth. Too easily taking things for granted, we would actually also look at things on the surface at times and neglecting the subtance that is within.

Quite recently, I also have been thinking alot about friends, relationships, etc. Those who might truly understands me may well be only a handful, maybe lesser than one handful. Feelings, emotions and thoughts are often the most complicated thing bundled with.....actually i am not so sure, maybe just bundled with me. Some friends are slowly getting on my nerves. Speaking as though they know me to the core. Sometimes what they say or think about me makes me wonder if i am a changed man without me, myself noticing it. Thats one confusion i am facing.
Jar pointed out the thing about our "having-no-plans" days months back. Instantly I saw myself being in two different position altogther. One from his point of view, one from my own point of view. "having no plans means no last min plans" and "having plans means last min plans will/might take place". Its precisely because of the existence of plans that causes the presense of impromptu last-min-plans. Could it be because all along i ahve been taking the mins hrs and days for granted already? Time was never calculated or examined this way before...

Its the beginning of the year, ad i am already looking forward to this x'mas.......it will be DAMN nice. take care people.

19th Fri 2007

Will update soon alright? i love you guys(& girls)....
Have a great weekend!

the "ZEN" crap

the idea of zen has taken a whole lot of my long weekends till this very moment as i type....is it as subjective thou?

text below are extracted from some site somehwere....

"Simplicity means the achievement of maximum effect with minimum means."

"The designer must adhere to the concept of miegakure since Japanese believe that in expressing the whole the interest of the viewer is lost."

Talented jazz musicians, for example, know never to overplay but instead to be forever mindful of the other musicians and find their own space within the music and within the moment they are sharing. Graphic designers show restraint by including only what is necessary to communicate the particular message for the particular audience. Restraint is hard. Complication and elaboration are easy...and are common

The Zen aesthetic values include (but are not limited to):

Simplicity

Subtlety

Elegance

Suggestive rather than the descriptive or obvious

Naturalness (i.e., nothing artificial or forced),

Empty space (or negative space)

Stillness, Tranquility

Eliminating the non-essential

first in 2007

update?



updating......



updated.

whatever makes a suitable title.

wednesday afternoon, trying very hard to work on the damn research paper.finall this morning i can feel the mood kicking in for me to finally start on it! probably i have to go to kinokuniya or borders to find a book titled "research paper/thesis writing for dummies in 4 days". or alittle more precise, "research paper/thesis writing for dummies in 4 days for individuals with no motivation or mood to do it". No no, i need something more specific, "research paper/thesis writing for dummies in 4 days for individuals with no motivation or mood to do it and will still result is flying colour grades and also making sure u wouldn't screw up the presentaion even though your f***in mood is so bloody dampen". If any of you do come across that book, please let me know.

thanks to the office for having a shortage of salsman, that resulted in me being able to drive the van home daily. the convenience of a transportation whenever you need it makes owning a vehicle for me a mandatory possesion in the future when i have saved enough. its goo in a way, as it enables me to travel from point A to point B to point C to point D to point B to point A to point C and back to point D much easier and much much more conveniently. before u misunderstood, its definately not about speeding from place to place.....sometimes, i just don't get it when people who experienced my ultra safe and skilled driving accused me of reckless and fast driving.....especially to those who drived WORSE and at times much FASTER than me; dare to accuse me, better "wake up your idea!" ok...don't think sportscar can talk big with me alright?!?! :) anyway, like ming....i have a very short and sweet wishlist. my ultimate dream car......nope nope not evo, not wrx, not lumborg, not ferrari ...not a diablo nor a super charged jaguar as well...what i want is a turbo-charged JEEP.....heh....a turbo-charged wrangler that roars! ok thats simple yea?

recently, my friend told me the good news of starhub upgrading the consumers' plans from 4000k to 6000k bandwidth totally free. however, before that even take place, i realise my current 4000K connection is starting to have problems and enjoys d/cing itself. What i wanna say here is, whats teh point of making it faster and faster when u can't have a reliable connection? more problems it gives me, i am gonna call the hotline.

recently, lots of ups and downs. knocks and misses.......even though sometimes it may be quite bad, i am still glad for everything we have gone through. its part and parcel and they are all very essential........problems and setbacks arise for us to take on and conquer, not avoid....thus making the good gets even better.....

a marvellous sunday; MAKE IT

its sunday yet aagain....and i would like to say good morning even though its already 4.13pm and ticking....

don't want to talk about how much i like the blue sky, the chilly weather etc.....i woke up at 1040am again....a time close to yesterday's....oh yesterday, finally went back to 940 and played some soccer with my soccer kakis after "only-god-knows-how-many-months"....and guess what, the first thing i did after getting into the court was to kick the ball at some malay fellow during a change of teams....i didn't even bother to apologise, i was a angry man that morning i must admit....can only blame it on him getting into my path....anyway, after one match, i felt like i have ran a marathon....thought somebody might have stolen one of my lungs while i was sleeping or something....thats about all for saturday, hang out with the guys at night, but on my mind was something else....

Just don't feel like staying at home sometimes, other then the music playing and the occasional alerts popping up from msn, my mind usually wanders. what bothers her bothers me, what bothers my buddies bothers me and what bothers me bothers me.......anyway, it has been days since this sentence has been lingering in my mind... "almost everything is something about her".....feel like penning my thoughts, but don't feel like typing further, my wrist aches, my nervous system is tired...

enjoy sunday~~!!!

0056 1dec - belief

if i believe, then nothing can stop me

of time, of feelings and of thoughts...

time is slipping and the clock never seem to stop ticking...fatigue seems to have become a good friend of mine lately and always show up as and when he/she likes. Despite this, i have set my directions straight and clear....and am sincerely looking forward to fulfilling or taking them on. I hope everyone around me share the same feeling about it.

i was flipping through a design book one day and came across a poster design by someone (can't remember who). it was the content of the poster that caught my eye. specifically, the text it bears..... "I love the rest of my life though it is transitory. Like a light azure morning glory."

how meaningful.....goodnight.

Sunday...

strange enough, i feel more at peace today while being at home..... probably its the weather, probably its the song that is playing on my wmp......nashville skyline by dishwella.

Nashville
The capital of Tennessee, in the north-central part of the state northeast of Memphis. Founded in 1779 as Fort Nashborough, it was renamed in 1784 and became the permanent capital in 1843. Nashville is a port of entry and major commercial center known especially for its music industry. Population: 488,374. - dictionary.com

i have always enjoy looking at the nature, the sea, the sky and the greens......even when i drive.....i remember the earlier days when i owned a digital camera, mostly pics of the sky and trees filled up my "memory card" and minimal of human faces and poses etc. its a sunday afteroon, and the dark clouds have just cleared the sky. it is now cooling with occasional birds' chirpings, and breeze gently ruffling the curtains......only thing you want to do is to be with your love one[s].....

first time in my life, for that spilt second..... i wonder about honesty. whether or not it actually pays.....but still no matter how weird or odd this thought might be.....its still extremely important to live with a clear conscience. this is just the way i am brought up.....here, i would like to share with u an article. provoking at times, but the thoughts are still as lovely.

[“No legacy is as rich as honesty”, William Shakespeare quoted, and I totally buy it. This includes the younger days when you managed to steal a mango from your neighbour’s mango tree, probably sneaking through the backyard. Karma is the word, for the perfect description. According to the Indian tradition, it is the principle of a person's actions that have consequences meriting reward or punishment. Typical human nature, I would emphasize, people tend to take things for granted not knowing that they are expecting the worse.

Likewise, for other situations, or rather in every situation, honesty is most appreciated. Living a life with a clear conscience is so much easier than having to lie all the time. You might have denied about your past, for the present situation, be it a wonderful start of a relationship or friendship. However, the beans will spill someday, somewhere, somehow. Having to face the music, eat humble pie, and be able to gain the trust from that so very important person with loads of convincing explanation, it is not going to be easy. As defined, integrity is all about honesty and vice versa. One way to measure integrity and honesty is by being true to our values, soul, commitments and relationships. Relationships; I see it as a very important factor in one’s life, be it with parents, cousins, friends or partner.] - writeup by opportunity

Enjoy your sunday~

the Kingdom of Hearts - YYYYY の物語

At a point of time where I believe no one actually understands me, leaves my mind to wander ….and to lead to this…..it was tough to handle and I felt like screaming it out into their ears…..but I still have to keep my composure…..for that is who and how I am like.

The picture I have painted is close to perfection; at least in my own eyes. The beautiful scenery, the rich blue sky, the greens, the lovely weather, the cool breeze brushing against our neck, and the activities we are doing. It felt nice and blissful. It can happen, it will happen and goes on forever…. (forever is not an appropriate term.. I should probably say “goes on for as long as it can”).

The embracement in the middle of a garden where time seems to stall for me just feels like eternity (alright, just what exactly is eternity…does it exists? Just the longest possible duration I would call it).

The butterfly shall not leave me, its presence is much welcomed and appreciated and loved….Hmm, it might be able to lead me out of my woes and make me smile, but it has the equal capability to bring me to the rock bottom as well. However, it’s all worth it, I would say. For it could be just a rare occurrence which might only take place this one time in my life.

the Kingdom of Hearts II

YYYYY watched, as the two backviews drift further and further into the foggy atmosphere and finally disappear into the woods. These two views has been familiar since the days while he was still in primary school. Not forgetting those were the times where worries and a troubled-mind is almost neglectgible. The people he has met throughout the entire time, the friends he made and the buddies he is having....made him what he is of today......

YYYYY stood there for quite a while trying to re-adjust the feelings in him.....*a phone call that changed his life(an article YYYYY will write in his journal a few days after today) * moving on.... YYYYY arrived at this well maintained garden of purple and red roses.....just above them are a number of butterflies fluttering their wings in a orchestral manner. as he moves towards them to observe, most of them fly further away except one..YYYYY took a good look at the beautiful wings that it bears......of the two conspicously marked wings....the design seems like an alphabet V repeating at both sides. YYYYY can't seem to take his eyes of it......he is in love with the butterfly....

To be continued...

the Kingdom of Hearts..

it all started out at day zero. Dressed in a simple bermuda and clean slim cut - tee, YYYYY set to explore the dense forest that is just 100 meters away from his woody hut. armed with a bottle of evian and a long fallen branch, YYYYY marched towards the vegetation confidently. back home...his proudest belonging is just a piece of printed paper what others usually termed as "certificate" (i.e. a diploma or degree). knowing that he has a dream to pursue, that piece of crap can easily find its place in the bin.....

missing out on loads of stuff..be it good or the bad, YYYYY decided not to let loose of this opportunity so easily. he has been knocked in the head pretty badly once and now everything else seems to have changed except his heart. still as true as ever (only he is aware..)...

The late afternoon sun left the dense vegetation slightly warm and humid.....YYYYY was walking and walking occasionally tilting his head down to look at his footsteps. observing the footprints behind and the spacing between everyone of them........he soon realised those footsteps can nvr be laid in the exact position under the exact circumstances @ an particular time, of his lifetime and, not forgetting the feeling that is in him. there will nvr be a second duplicated one ever......

YYYYY then had this weird feeling in him and as he looks up, his eyes widen....he wanted so much to call out, but the words just seem to have lost their pronounciation, melacholic tune, etc.....nothing came out of his mouth.....

To be continued....

today is friday...

-A designer’s world…
As usual, late I am…..turning on my computer and checking my mails. As my tutor used to put it, the role of a designer of any aspect is a profound thinker. It seems to make some sense as I constantly feel like I am walking around with a empty mind that is just constantly searching for ideas and creative thoughts. A fear that it will someday fail to work this way is something unimaginable, something extremely dreadful.

-
You can punch me, you can kick me, you can slam me, you can whack me with a baseball bat…..but only words can hurt me….

-
Exuding an aura of worldliness is the special ability. I like the thoughts. I love the written form. Speaking a lot of truth and yet sometimes confuses me a little. Am I seeing things you can’t see or is it simply I am not seeing enough? Know not only what’s best for others….but what’s best for everyone… Love yourself to love others.

a battle...

Ignorance will cause more misery.

I was reprimanded today; the only person that has ability to do that and knock some sense into me is only my mum. She reminded me of something, something which I am failing to see, something which I have often reminded others but not myself.

The usual problems have once again surfaced from deep within and now, clouding my mind. I realized I have been such a coward, drowning my courage, making it a dormant substance that might just reside somewhere in me and never voicing out. I have been avoiding and running and landing myself in a never-ending race that will provide no solace when the end comes. This is a problem; it will link to a chain of more problems if it’s not resolved effectively and sufficiently. The only way to console myself is to make it seem like its part and parcel of life, of learning things and challenges that will occasionally pops up and take you on to increase your “experience points” (a fine line to making that as an excuse). Nevertheless, I feel selfish especially towards the people around me that care. I want to make her smile, make them smile, might be difficult, but I will learn to do it anyhow, I can’t just live for myself.

The misery must be dealt with.

20/211006

have not felt this way in years.....purest of joy i would describe it......thanks for everything, thanks for being there....you all know what i am talking about.....you know what i am talking about......a simple one is all i asked for and i will cherish it dearly...

for those who are not there...its not like i have forgotten....but its just the way i wanna have it this year....appreciate all the wishes~

"living the moment" as i put it so smoothly....meant a lot greater deal than the ease of how it was being put across....now, i shall have renewed strength to protect this thing (not exactly a proper term) that is of such great importance and dear to me....

寒いの心

最近、心の物はとても怒らせる。毎日、少しの眠りがなりました。感慨過ぎだ。。。

tomorrow never knows.

i do not know if i have a similar title before, but this is what i feel like writing.....

Since near a year ago till today, every month, every week, everyday, every minute and every secs, i did what i've wanted to do and i said what i've wanted to say for i know there is a possibility that i i might be gone tomorrow (i.e. die or get abducted by aliens) its not necessary a pessimistic thinking but it gives me a different approach towards life and living (probably optimistic from another view). In simpler words, ....(you all will know what that is)......

the good will last as long as the bad doesn't happen, but if the bad doesn't happen, how do we identify the good? Anyhow we should all wish for the good to last...

Lesson 081006, 12hrs of lecture and tutorials

This particular post could be rathr difficult to write...till now since more liek 12 hrs ago.....i still can't find a peace of mind. i appreciate every move made and every thoughts taken. And no doubt questions marks will continue to find a presence in my mind over thoughts and actions taken.

Worry not about trust for i will only tell you my most genuine thoughts and not bend my words. If it continues to stay this way, the trust will not be betrayed and i will continue to feel the sincerity i have felt.

not necessary everything is wrong. there is no right or wrong, only as said earlier, do what your heart tells you to. do not take opinions as suggestions or even intructions. opinions are what i thought could be best for u. whether you take that route, i will still continue to provide my most sincere words.

ever the same...

the more i wait, the more i think and the more i plan, my army would have long been destroyed. thanks for the reminder.

Still in the office doing some irritating projects for wisma.....some giant lollipops you might probably see in town tomorrow.....some roller-bladers(is there such a term?) will be armed with a giant lollipop each weaving through the crowds of orchard fanning and clearing up the haze alittle and at the same time promoting this new place i suppose....think its a brilliant and functional concept. but then to me this proj is still irritating...ok, this paragragh is negligible.

BT playing, KH writing

not all consequences are that hard to bear, sometimes just gotta think less "hard"

For some reasons, i logged on to the long forgotten friendster after such a long time.....I spent quite abit of time on it and was reading through the testimonials......i read and checked the date repeatedly, its 2006 no doubt, it sets me to think how fast the time just passes without me knowing it. it just occurs to me that some people do write stuff which they can't really promise and unsure of. How many people can actually vouched for what they have said themselves....... They changed slowly not noticing it and have since thrown those rubbish text into the bin. They no longer value what they have said or rather, they have no control over it. the subconscious state of our mind developing makes us think less of the passed? anyway, i know what i am talking about, but i don't know what i am writing about. Don't bother to crack your head over this. Alright enough of nonsenses. Here's the real deal.

031006-fosseldragerrebmemerotthgina...
Coincidental it was, Not the way i expect it to turn out, Not all things goes as planned, the catalyst injected, crude jokes and laughter filled the air, didn't feel good about it for it wasn't the way i wanted it to be, but not all things are under a single control, it spills and it creates an effect, the mysterious route that strangely leads one thing to another in an unexplainable order. 2mugs felt like 2 jugs it was.